February 5
It is my personal experience and
working with high-risk youths as a counselor that we survivors of childhood
abuses (i.e. molestation, rape, physical and etc.) tend to seek happiness in
some of the worst of places to fill the empty void we feel in our hearts.
Seeking for love in all the wrong places leaves us broken and disheartened. We
search for true love only be deceived time and time again. We question why we keep doing the same thing over and over again and the answer seems to
elude us. Is there such a thing as true love? Yes! There is such a thing
as true love and it is out there. I was speaking to one of my young clients Lila
about true love. You see she had been a victim of rape, molestation and neglect
throughout her childhood and her teen years. Lila asked me how can anyone can find true love
because everyone she has dated have been great at first and then ended up being
just like her abusers.
Well, I explained to her that if we
are surrounded by the wrong types of affections as children and distorted love,
then we will look for the very same thing subconsciously because that is the
norm for the abused. Sometimes the abused does not know what it is to be in a healthy relationship because they have never been one. Not always the case but usually the young ladies that I have counseled
over the last 15 years, and most of these girls seem to lean toward finding someone whom they think is not
like their previous abuser but in time these men begin to slowly show their true
colors. I am not male bashing here, I am showing that there are people out
there that represent something that they are not because they know how to
manipulate others.
In time, these young girls who vowed
to themselves that they will never be with an abusive man find themselves in
abusive relationships. Why? They were looking for love in all the wrong places.
Great news! When victims begin to heal, they will know how valuable themselves and will know how to
protect themselves but first, one has to move from victim to survivor.
When
victims of abuse move into the next phase in the lifespan of a person in this
case into survivor phase one must remember that there is no timeline specific
between both phases. It can take some a couple of years or more to move between
phases. What is vital during the two phases however is that to become a true
survivor depends whether or not forgiveness has taken place. There are many
quasi-survivors who merely exist and live half-lives because they are full of
bitterness, anger and strife and they cannot forgive those who hurt them. Becoming
a true survivor should reflect how we think, act and live and one can find true
healing by seeking His heart through our heart. The Bible says “And ye shall
seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13
When I sought Jesus with all my heart, he gave me comfort, he
cleansed me from all unrighteousness and he taught me to forgive. He freed me from
my past as the Bible states “Therefore
if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed”
John 8:36 and I have been free from my past.
If you are looking for love in what may seem in the wrong places,
seek no further in others but be a heart seeker and seek Jesus, find Jesus and search for Him
with all your heart and you will find him while he may be found. It does not
matter what path you have taken, it is never too late to come to Jesus. Friend,
because of so much abuse in my childhood I hated Christ so much at one point I
totally rebelled, but when I desired to heal I sought Jesus and he healed my
mind and he pardoned me “seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon
him while he is near: Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man
his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord,
and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
Isaiah 55:6-7
Friend! Stop looking for
someone to heal your heart in all the wrong places. Seek Jesus today, find him
and search with all your heart! It is the best decision you can make for your
life.
Names have been changed to protect clients.
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