January 17
Around the time that I was turning 9 years old my grandmother found out that I was sexually abused by her favorite daughter's husband. I recently returned from Puerto Rico to the Bronx.
I had been gone and away from my dad for almost 2 years. You see, my mom had to literally kill me as an infant and my father took me (abducted) me when my mother beat me with telephone wires. So, he sent me to Puerto Rico with family. It was in PR that I was brutally sexually violated by my aunt's husband.
Because he threatened me, I never mentioned anyone what has happened to me to any adult but I did tell another little girl who was my playmate that she should be careful.
Unbeknownst to me, this little girl told her mom and her mom told my aunt. They took me to the hospital but because I was sodomized there was no real way to confirm. Back in the day they were not as sophisticated as they are today.
Well, my aunt shipped me back to the Bronx because my father got married and they "wanted" me back home. I was excited to return and see grandma and dad. Also, meet my new family. I had an instant family and that was fascinating to me.
Well, a week after returning back, I stayed in my(mami's) grandmother's house. One morning mami called me into her room and began to talk to me about how horrible it is to lie. She also began to talk to me about how sad it must have been to be away from my dad and to think how it will be for my younger favorite cousins if they too would lose their father.
She asked me what I was thinking and I told her that I thought that my cousins would be sad and she agreed. Then she said that she heard that something happened to me when I was in PR and she wanted to know if it was true but before I was to answer she wanted me to think about my cousins because if what was said is true then my cousins will be without a father and asked me if that is what I wanted.
I replied no. So she asked me if my uncle touched me in my private areas or hurt me...then she repeated if you say yes then my cousins will be without a father. I thought and thought and said no because I did not want my younger cousins to be without a father.
Once I said no, mami did something heartbreaking to me. She said...I thought so. You lied and that was wrong to lie about your uncle. Then she told my family that I was lying all along. For many many years I had to live with the title of liar which made me into the black sheep in the family. Hence, I hate lying.
Not that I don't lie but rather I make it my ambition not to lie even a little white lie. Hence, I do my best to mind my own business so that I don't have to lie.
If you have had to lie to keep your secret about any abuse and you are a Christian I hate to say this but lying is a sin. The Bible says that the Lord HATES lying lips but delights in his children who speak in truth Proverbs 12:22.
Just joshing, little white lies, exaggerations, big or small lies or omission of truth is a lie. Society has made lying an art. Commercials, politicians, media of all sorts have a monopoly on lying it seems. Acceptable lies is unacceptable to God. A lie is a lie and if you are hiding the truth about your abuse...you have made a prison for yourself.
If you want to be free indeed, you will have to say the truth. Don't let your abusers or manipulators of truth define you. Break free!
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