January 26 (Have You Been Set Up For Pastoral Sexual Abuse? Part II) - Free Indeed - Abundant Living After Abuse

January 26

IntraCycle 2

Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA)—Females with histories of (childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, and mental abuse) may sometimes become abusers themselves. There are cases where a female becomes the abuser; however, there is no empirical data at this time to provide what percentage of women are abusers. However, there is empirical data that shows that victims of CSA run a higher risk of becoming promiscuous and sex addicts. Young females and males begin the process of exploring relationships and becoming sexually intimate (promiscuity) usually before eighteen years of age. Females with histories of “traumatic abuse may exacerbate the likelihood of further victimization, in part by compromising the abuse survivor’s ability to perceive danger in a relationship. As a result, the abused person may be at risk of becoming involved in relationships that reenact the physical or sexual abuse suffered in childhood.” (Griffing et al, 2005, p.342).

Females within this group have the highest level of susceptibility to gravitate to males/partners that may have the same tendencies as their abusers in childhood, making them vulnerable to becoming victims of domestic violence or adult sexual abuse. Unfortunately, females with histories of traumas in their childhood, and who have not sought out counsel, have struggles with terminating abusive relationships (e.g., mental, emotional, spiritual, sexual and other types of abuses). “Many domestic violence (DV) survivors have difficulty terminating abusive relationships because of early traumatic experiences.” (p. 342).

What do victims of childhood abuses do when they reach a point in their lives, especially when having their own children, and when they desire to change their course in life? These women who have been raised in the two previous cycles usually find themselves looking to heal from their past and, when they reach the proverbial fork in the road; they seek out individuals (e.g. pastors, preachers, rabbis, priest, etc.) who can guide them spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Before we began to understand this new cycle, please allow me to give you the characteristics of Clergy Perpetrated Sexual Abuse.

IntraCycle 3

Clergy-Perpetrated Sexual Abuse (CPSA)— Who falls into this group? If you recall, these were the characteristics of the grooming process, and looks like those of the childhood sexual abuse. They are identical because the perpetrator skillfully chooses his victim and does the same as he would a child.  

·         Sexual Advances

·         Loss of Power

·         Grooming

·         Spiritual/Belief System Abuse

·         Keeping Secrets

·         Touching Private Areas

·         Being Isolated from Others

·         Inappropriate Sexual Behavior

·         Contact For Sexual Intent (e.g., fondling, kissing and petting)

·         Manipulation

·         Forced Authority

·         Perceived or Actual Threats or Harm

Females and sometimes males, who have not dealt or reconciled with their abuses from childhood, sometimes find themselves in a spiritual and emotional connection (outside of the normal and safe congregant and spiritual relationship) that may seem innocent but, in reality, it is not. There is a problem with sexual harassment in the churches from slight of hands, verbal and the unthinkable sexual abuse. In fact, “women are more likely to get sexually harassed in the church than in the workplace,” and “clergy are sexually exploiting their congregants at twice the rate of secular therapists.” (Flynn, 2008, p.217).

After the predator finally completed the grooming process with his victim, he has the victim do things she or he otherwise wouldn’t do. The perpetrator has successfully manipulated his victim into believing that she or he is to blame for the “affair” or has been called by God to be the perpetrators gift or special someone.  Victims begin to experience (e.g., keeping secrets, are isolated from others, and now subjected to sexual abuse), something that sounds already too very familiar to these victims. Victims remain for fear that they will be blamed. She or he is once again “forced to endure psychological and/or physical pain in order to preserve the relationship with the attachment figure, and that this pattern is likely to persist in adulthood.” (Griffing et al, 2005, p.342).

The attachment figure, in this case the spiritual leader, may believe it is an affair and call it such, but that doesn’t make it so. Their relationship is not “an affair.” It is sexual abuse. The notion that the pastor had an affair with his church member is the most common thing you hear when there’s been a moral fall. The unsuspecting congregation tends to label the adulterous relationship between the pastor and the woman as an affair. 

When a woman becomes emotionally or physically involved with her pastor, most of the time it is not because she “lusted” after him or thought it would be a challenge to “bring him down.” An affair implies mutual consent, equality and agreement on behalf of both parties. This does not exist in a pastor/congregant relationship. When a person in power or authority abuses the trust placed in them to suit their own purposes, it is not considered “mutual consent.” Many people mistakenly believe that when a pastor becomes physically involved with a member of his congregation that it is an “affair.” This attempts to sanitize the situation. It is easier to think about an affair than abuse. However, nothing is farther from the TRUTH!

Quite often, the woman who is abused may have experienced one or more of the following:

Sexual, physical, verbal & emotional abuse 

Low self-esteem

*Unable to see her value in God’s sight
*Fear of Abandonment
*Dependency on Others

 Marital problems

Trauma, sickness, death in the family

Depression, stress or financial problems

There are many reasons why someone may be vulnerable to the pastor’s seduction and abuse.  The pastor is someone who can take advantage of these weaknesses and vulnerabilities instead of bringing healing as he should. Regrettably, clergy-perpetrated sexual abuse (CPSA) “has too often been normatively misunderstood and believed to be one of sexual ethics rather than professional misconduct. This formulation of the problem often places blame on the entrenched notions of the woman’s deviant or seductive character rather than on the aberrant behavior of the offending clergyman.” (Flynn, 2008, p.217).

Whether the pastor pursued the woman, as is often the case, or whether the woman pursued the pastor, as does happen at times, the term “affair” is never appropriate for this situation.

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