January 27 (Have You Been Set Up For Pastoral Sexual Abuse? Part III) - Free Indeed - Abundant Living After Abuse

January 27

What does ABUSE mean? The word “abuse” by definition means “to use with bad motives or wrong purposes; to violate; to defile by improper sexual intercourse; to deceive; to impose on; to pervert the meaning of; to misapply.”—Noah Webster, 1828

By this definition, we can clearly see that sexual contact of this type is always abusive in nature. The church is a safe zone and is universally recognized as an environment to nurture spiritual growth, which is governed by high moral values and pure principles. A minister, or someone in the role of spiritual authority, should never exploit their position/power in order to engage in a sexual relationship! 

Society generally has no trouble discerning abuse within the context of medicine, education, counseling or the workplace. Often these “relationships” are not only considered abuse, but criminal acts, as well.

Why does confusion abound when this same exploitation and abuse takes place in the church?

A pastor is always considered the spiritual leader, the shepherd & guardian of the flock. This creates an imbalance of power/authority since the pastor is the one spiritually in charge of the church.

Why is it wrong for a Physician to have a sexual relationship with his patients?

Just as a physician is trained to help the physically sick and diagnose the illness, so too, the pastor with many years of experience, knowledge and education can, with the mind of Christ, see that this is someone who is not spiritually whole. 

A physician is sworn to uphold the position he occupies and to heal the sick, so too, the pastor must take responsibility for upholding the high calling of the position he has pledged to God to uphold. Is there really any confusion on this point?

Who really has the power in a “relationship between pastor and congregant?”

1. Imbalance of Authority
The pastor is always the spiritual leader, the shepherd and guardian of the flock.
In his pastoral role as a representative of Christ, he is expected to act accordingly in all of his interactions with the congregation under his care. This creates an imbalance of power/authority since he is the one spiritually in charge of the church.

2. Imbalance of Knowledge
He is also the one who has the greatest spiritual knowledge and many years of Biblical training. He knows that his role is to lead sin-sick souls to the “Fountain of Life.” The pastor has the ability to lead others to Christ, or away from Christ, if he chooses to distort Scripture.

3. Imbalance of Experience
Just as a physician is trained to help the physically sick and, with his knowledge, diagnose the illness, so too, the pastor with his many years of education and experience can, with the mind of Christ, see that this is someone who is not spiritually whole.

4. Imbalance of Responsibility
A physician is sworn to uphold the position he occupies and to heal the sick, so too, the pastor must take responsibility for upholding the position he has pledged to God.

5. Age

We could also add a 5th imbalance, age. Many women, especially if they have been abused as children, have a desire to have a father-figure in their life, one who will treat them better than their own father. When the pastor is much older than the woman he abuses, it is often the case that she looked up to him, admired him as a father-figure, but never as a partner or spouse.

Due to these imbalances, there can be no mutual consent to a relationship of any kind, especially not a sexual relationship. It is considered abuse because, given the nature of the relationship (pastor/congregant, counselor/counselee), there is an imbalance of power.

How & Why?

People often wonder why the woman allowed this to happen. They ask “why didn’t she say no?” “Why didn’t she stop it?” “Why didn’t she tell someone?”

These are good questions; however, the answers are difficult. Often the woman feels she can’t tell anyone or say no. Who would believe her? The victim already may feel that it was her fault in the first place because “at times, this misinterpretation has even been adopted by some female abuse survivors, who, like survivors of incest, often mistakenly believe themselves to be responsible for their abuse regardless of their gender.” (Flynn, 2008, p.217).

Why does this happen and how does it happen?

First, once the sexual abuse begins, the female begins to lose her ability to speak up against the spiritual leader (e.g., pastor, priest, preacher, maharajah, rabbi or other) and thinks that no one will believe her.

These predators hide behind the curtain of Christianity or a Spiritual Belief system. Females and sometimes males end up being abused by their spiritual leaders because they were groomed as children and now are groomed by a perpetrator. More recent research has also focused on the impact of trauma on relational models and suggests that adults with a CSA history “may have difficulty recognizing or responding to the threat of relational abuse or negotiating relationship boundaries.” (Griffing et al, 2005, p.342). Most times, when speaking with a victim of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Clergy-Perpetrated Sexual Abuse, we find the victim could not recognize boundary encroachments from the perpetrator.

Is Clergy-Perpetrated Sexual Abuse a crime?

Would a doctor lose his medical practice license if he had sex with a patient? Yes! Clergy-Perpetrated Sexual Abuse is a crime and, “thus, like rape, CPSA is not an issue of sexuality but rather one of a power imbalance that negates any possibility of “consensual” mutuality. This distorted power dynamic has been accentuated by some clergy abusers through the misuse of significant social, cultural, and even supernatural power ascribed to religious representatives as being derived from God.” (Flynn, 2008, p.217).

Something to ponder if you were a victim of Pastoral Sexual Abuse...were you set up from childhood?

If you are a victim of CPSA there is hope. Please contact The Hope Of Survivors at http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com. You are not alone.

References

The Hope Of Survivors. (n.d.). 4 major imbalances . Retrieved from http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com/4_major_imbalances.php

Flynn, K. (2008). In their own voices: Women who were sexually abused by members of the clergy. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 17 3–4, 216-237. doi: 10.1080/10538710802329684

Griffing, S., Ragin, D., Morrison, S., Sage, R., Madry, L., & Primm, B. (2005). Reasons for returning to abusive relationships: Effects of prior victimization. Journal of Family Violence, 20(October 2005), doi: 10.1007/s10896-005-6611-8