(Paul's Ultimate Delusion) - Free Indeed - Abundant Living After Abuse

January 30

When I was sexually abused, I thought that I was dirty, bad and that I was not worth anything. It did not help much that the person who violated me also thought so. As I got older, I would hear from people tell me how important it is to be a virgin and untouched and again, I felt as if I did not have a plan for my life other than getting into trouble with men. Not that I had a great many men in my life but because I allowed others define me, I really did not know who I was and did not have a plan of who I should be. In time, I left the church.

Several times I attempted to come back to the Lord and in 2004 I chose to come back and remain. I have been back and walking with Christ for over 14 years. When I came back, I had no idea what I was to do because I have been away from Him for so long and had to learn more about him and His plans for me. Thankfully, God had his plan for me.

When God has a plan for our lives and when we allow Him to do what he desires in our lives, His plans may seem like our lives are turning upside down but that is the beauty of it all because His plans are always perfect. When we truly are converted, our lives change for the better, and maybe not on the exterior but most important change happens in the interior. We read that Saul even got a new name to (Paul) when he had a conversion (re-reborn experience) in Acts 13:9. 

Paul’s emotions, character and life became rooted in Christ. In fact, because of Paul’s previous hatred toward Christ's people, the Christian community did not trust Paul at first. Something had to change and it did because in time Paul became a powerhouse for the Lord.

Interesting enough however, Christ did mention that Paul “must suffer for my name’s sake” Acts 9:16. That means that Paul waged war on Satan. Think for a moment, Paul was going through life working zealously for what he thought was for God  and then the truth comes out that clearly shows that he was working for Satan. At that moment, Paul’s battle would become fierce and intense during his conversion because Paul was being prepared emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually for the work of Paul's new Lord Jesus Christ.

The journey to a spiritual walk with Christ includes the following important steps, surrendering to the Creator, Lord and Savior Jesus Chris, and repentance. Once we establish these two steps freedom is only achievable in and through Christ. Paul became a soldier for Christ giving the message of Redemption and Salvation to the lost that were in bondage just as Paul was previously. It was only through Christ that Paul's battle was won. Spiritual freedom and bondage have a fine line in that they both have Masters. One Master gives us free will while the other master’s objective is to dominate and destroy humanity and this is who Paul waged war on for Christ. 

The Bible states that Saul of Tarsus and prior to his conversion he was in spiritual bondage and he did not know it. How many of us are in spiritual bondage because we do not forgive, because we do not resolve and heal from our past abuses? In fact, Saul of Tarsus believed that he was doing the will of God when he was persecuting followers of Christ and this was the ultimate delusion.  He might have second guessed himself at times specially when he witnessed the stoning of Steven but when in bondage one cannot be led by the Holy Spirit to be able to see truth. As Saul was destroying Christians, Saul could not see past his traditions of men, his bondage, pride, the evil behind his emotions and thought process. 

In all intense and purposes Saul was not free until the day when Christ spoke to him. The Bible states “⁴ And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? ⁵ And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks. “Acts 9: 4-5 In fact, when Jesus approached Paul Jesus's introduction to Paul was strategically displaying his power, his sovereignty and his people. 

Saul changed immediately and had to allow the Holy Spirit to work in him through blindness and having faith while being led into the city.

• The first thing that Saul did was to surrender “⁶ And he trembling and astonished said, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? And the Lord said unto him, Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do.” Acts 9:6

Paul’s surrender started with a question, “Lord, what wilt thou have me to do”, this is clearly acknowledging and surrendering, but Saul had more to learn and Christ had to stop Saul in his tracks and completely trust in Christ. Most often than not, when we are in spiritual bondage (because of abuse), the only way we get out of the rebellious stupor or spiritual slumber that we might be experiencing is to have something major happen to us that places us in a humbling position to accept and surrender all to Christ. Remember, Saul was zealous for what he thought was God’s work but, it was on the contrary, he was doing Satan’s work under the guise of what he thought was for God but never acknowledging Christ. 

This also clears one thing that people often forget, God the Father gave “his only begotten son” John 3:16 to die on the cross for us knowing that His son Jesus was going to endure all types of abuses and torture for us. When you read that Christ came to Saul, it was not God himself talking to Saul to follow Christ, it was Christ who spoke to Saul confirming his Lordship, His divinity and establishing his Leadership “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me” John 14:6   

• The second step that Saul took was to repent and be filled with the Holy Spirit “And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales: and he received sight forthwith, and arose, and was baptized.” Acts 9:18 

Saul’s conversion may not have taken place if Saul’s heart wasn’t ready to receive the Holy Spirit. Now just think, Saul was a vicious man who was in charge of destroying Christ’s followers because Saul thought that these followers were apostatizing the faith to a false God so, how could people trust the new Saul?  

Because Christ had the perfect plan “¹⁵ But the Lord said unto him, Go thy way: for he is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel: ¹⁶ For I will shew him how great things he must suffer for my name's sake.” Acts 9:15-16

When Saul now Paul had his conversion, Paul became free and now empowered to fight the good fight but he first had to go to training/boot camp if you will. 

Christ wants to set us free from our past hurts, old unhealthy mental programs and strongholds so that we may be soldiers for Him. 

What is your ultimate delusion? What are your strongholds? Jesus wants to break us free from our ultimate delusions, our hurtful pasts, and strongholds so we may fight the good fight. 

Let’s fight the good fight together.